When nothing really matters
by Tamlyn
Summary: A “fairy” offers Subaru a chance to change his destiny, but sometimes this things can be a bit harder than they seem, SxS, rating might change later, R


A/N: Well this is my first supposed to become a series story about X. It's mainly inspired by a lot of fairy tales I liked as a child, but not one special, so not much to tell here I'm afraid. It's supposed to take place somewhere in the X storyline, I would say somewhere after Vol. 9, because somehow Subarus and Kamuis conversation when Subaru was helping Kamui from drowning in his sorrow inspired this as well. So enough of this, hope you enjoy.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the X characters or the story told in X (I wish I would, because I think it's great). It's all Clamp, so there's no need to sue me for this. I have no money anyway. There're some side characters I own like Pandora and... you'll see, but that's all.

**When nothing really matters** by **Tamlyn**

Prologue 

_"Look, isn't she beautiful?"_

_"Yeah, but will she actually be able to grant wishes, it's more important, don't you think?"_

_"Of course she will, trust me, but people will have to pay for this, and sometimes the prize might be too high in the end..."_

_"Hahaha, then it's time to start the game, let's hope it will be good."_

_"I wouldn't worry about that!"_

Subaru was sitting in his apartment unable to do something else than thinking about him again. Outside it was a nice and sunny day, he wondered if there were actually some people who enjoyed this, walking around without having any worries. For him it didn't matter if it was raining or the sun was shining, knowing that he was alone and that nothing would be able to change his situation. Not even now after having found the other seals anything would change because there was only one person he was longing for and finding this person would finally end all thoughts and all worries. 

A knock on the door interrupted his thoughts for a moment. He was suprised that someone would actually came here and visit him. 

"Yes?" 

He knew the voice that answered from the other side of the door quite good.

"It's me, Kamui. Can I come in?"

"Sure, it's open."

There was a suprised silence for a moment, then the door opened and Kamui came in.

"Don't you lock the door?" he asked.

"There's nothing I'm afraid off," Subaru answered. What else should he say, perhaps he wished for someone to come and he knew that this someone wouldn't be stopped by a locked door, so there was no need to do that. 

"Um, okay," Kamui said, but Subaru could tell that he wasn't really satisfied with this answer, "I only came to ask you if you would like to join me for a walk, only if you don't mind of course."

Subaru looked at him and couldn't get rid of the feeling that Kamui wanted to talk about something and although he wasn't sure if he wanted to talk with him now he thought that it might be a good way to clear his mind of these bothering thoughts for a while. Not that there was the chance that they wouldn't come back later though.

"Okay, no problem."

Kamui smiled, it was rare that he smiled and Subaru thought that it really suited him well.

"Great." Kamui said and right after that they both left the apartment.

They were walking through the park not speaking anything for a long while. Subaru actually started to wonder why Kamui had come to him in the first place, he couldn't help thinking that going for a walk wasn't the true reason behind all this. But everytime he looked over to the boy he seemed completely lost in his own thoughts, while Subaru realised that he was not really unhappy about this, he wasn't a person that enjoyed talking so much as well.

"Subaru?" Kamui finally said, "Can I ask you something?"

Subaru looked again at Kamui who had stopped walking and looked back at him with big eyes. 

"Sure." He said carefully, while he stopped as well.

"Um, this guy you spoke about, who... who killed your sister, it is this Sakurazukamori, right?"

Subaru felt his body froze, he wasn't sure if it was because of the memories of his dead sister or because of the name Kamui had mentioned, although he feared that it was the latter one.

"Yes." He answered silently. 

"And now you want to kill him?"

Subaru stayed silent for a while. He didn't know how to answer that question, if he would tell Kamui the truth he probably wouldn't understand it, or – and that would have been even worse – he would try and convince him that it was wrong. The last thing Subaru needed right now was someone who worried about him, he only could stay close to his wish _because _there was no one left who worried about him. And more important no one he worried or cared about, except this one person...

But he wasn't able to lie to Kamui as well, perhaps because he had already started to like that boy, possibly more than it was good for him, or perhaps because they both had been robbed of their youth by something called destiny without the possibility to do anything against it.

"I want to find him." He finally said, knowing that this wasn't a real answer to the question. Kamui stayed silent as well for a while just looking him directly in the eyes, Subaru prayed that he wasn't able to see the truth hidden somewhere deep behind them. 

"I don't think that I can kill Fuma even if I have to to save the world." 

Subaru sighed, if out of relief or sadness he didn't know for himself.

"It's because without him the world doesn't matter to you. You're not afraid of loosing your own life, you're afraid of loosing his."

Kamui looked at him a strange look on his face. _Perhaps this went too far, _Subaru thought, _perhaps now he's able to guess what I don't want him to know_. 

"Subaru, I..." Kamui couldn't go on because right now they both heard a voice coming from behind them:

"KAMUI!!!" 

They both turned around to see who it was. A blonde guy appeared behind them and Kamui said a bit disappointed.

"Oh, I totally forgot, I was supposed to meet with him to learn for my math test tomorrow."

Subaru smiled happy that their conversation was coming to an abrupt end.

"Don't worry. You can go, I'll find the way back alone."

"But... but I..."

"Kamui," Subaru interrupted him, "think you should take any chance you get to learn for your test. We can talk another time."

"Really?" Something sceptical was in Kamuis voice now.

"Of course. I promise it."

"Okay then." Kamui said and then started to run over to that other guy. Subaru looked in the direction they went for a while before making his way a bit further into the park. He wasn't in the mood to go home right now.

_Without him the world doesn't matter to you._ Now he had said this Subaru couldn't stop thinking about it. He hadn't thought about Kamuis friendship with Fuma when saying that, no as always his thoughts had been occupied by someone totally different. _Without him the world doesn't matter to you._ Was this what love was supposed to feel like? To need somebody this much that without him everything would be pointless, meaningless? _If I loose him it would be the same like dying..._ this thought was also one of those that came back to him every once in a while. And he knew that it was the truth, he could find him and like things were going right now there were only two possibilities how this all could end: he could kill him, and then go on living, or better spoken existing cause he would only exist in a functioning body then, without a heart or a soul, or he could get that faster and let Seichirou kill him, at least fulfil his destiny.

"What if you could change your destiny?" he suddenly heard a voice coming from above him. Subaru stopped immediately and looked up in the tree under which he had been walking totally lost in his thoughts. A nice looking girl sat in the branches of the tree, looking down at him a smile on her face. She wasn't older than sixteen, he thought, long red hair falling over her shoulders. He started to wonder what she was actually doing up there, when he remember her question and that brought his caution back.

"Who are you?"

Laughing the girl jumped off the tree and next stood right infront of him. All her movements convinced Subaru that she wasn't a normal human being after all.

"Sorry, I'm Pandora, it's a strange name I know. You are Sumeragi Subaru, right?"

Instead of saying something Subaru just nodded. He couldn't help but thought that this situation was getting really strange, but he hadn't the feeling that he was in some sort of danger right now, so he decided to wait and see what would happen.

"You might not believe me this but I'm a fairy, well if you want to say so. I can make wishes come true, but only one for one person and I must like the wish..." She was still smiling at him.

"What have I to do with this?" Subaru asked, he wasn't sure what to think off this all.

"Well, I know a lot about you, and I know your true wish, although it's a really sad one, and I can't grant you that, but there might be something else I can do for you."

"And that would be?" Subaru asked without being much interested.

"As I said what if you could change your destiny? Perhaps there's a way that you and this special person of you can be together and both alive."

Subaru looked up in disbelief, where did this girl knew all these things from?

"Don't worry about that, I already told you that I'm a fairy and that means that I have some special powers as well. And as I've said I'm just here to give you the chance to change your destiny once and for all."

"So what would I have to do for that?" Subaru asked, something the girl behaved let him think that she wasn't talking about doing something for him for free, nobody did something for another person for free, so much he knew.

"Well, not much. As said I can't make him love you or something like that..."

Subaru sighed, what was this all about then?

"_but_," she moved on ignoring his reaction, "I can at least make him feel."

Subaru looked up not sure if he had heard that right.

"Yes, that's what I said. He will have feelings like any other human being and then it will be up to you if you can make him love you. A bit like the bet you once had, right?"

Subaru froze again remembering this, but this time, if all what this girl said was true he would actually stood a chance in succeeding. And she was right, no one would have to die.

"But before you make your decision there's something else you should know about."

_I knew it,_ Subaru thought, _now she will tell the price for this._

A huge grin appeared on her face which somehow didn't fit with the soft features of her whole appearance.

"Right, there's something I need to make this happen, first off both of you will loose your powers, you won't be one of the seven seals and he won't be one of the minions. You have nothing to do with the end of the world any longer."

Subaru nodded, somehow he thought this would make the situation even easier, at least they wouldn't have to worry about standing on different sites.

"And second?" he asked.

"Oh good," she smiled at him, "You paying attention. Right, there's something else. The Sakurazukamori won't remember anything that has to do with you. For him you will be just another person he doesn't know a thing about, but of course you will remember, especially all those things he did up to killing your sister."

This time Subaru thought about it for a longer while. Mainly because he wasn't this sure what to make out of it. He couldn't stop thinking that this was some sort of trap but he couldn't find the snag. The worst way this could end was that he wasn't able to make Seichirou love him, and if that would happen it wouldn't actually be worse than this situation. 

"So, do you accept my offer?" Pandora asked watching him intensely. 

After another time of thinking Subaru nodded. 

"Right," Pandora clapped her hands together and jumped up back in the tree, "when you wake up tomorrow everything will be like I've said."

The next moment she had disappeared leaving Subaru confused under the tree. _Perhaps someone is just playing a sick joke on me,_ he thought while he turned around to make his way back to his apartment, _this is just a bit too strange, I bet nothing will have changed tomorrow._ But deep inside he couldn't help hoping different.

_"See, everything has went as planned."_

_"Right, this could actually get real funny soon..."_

To Be Continued 

********************************

A/N: Um, yeah, this has got longer than I actually thought, I mean it's just the Prologue and all, first I thought it would only contain Subarus conversation with the fairy, but then I decided that it would be good to have a bit of a Kamui/Subaru conversation in it as well... well, still don't know about it. In fact I think this whole thing could have been done better, but for now I have no idea how to do that, perhaps I'll change it someday when I know. Please tell me what you think about it.


End file.
